I don’t know why I titled my post this way.
Mostly because I was too busy trying to dictate “hm what should I write, what would look best to any agents that may peruse my blog in order to determine my worthiness”
Eh, how about honesty.
So I said to myself “just close your eyes and… make a wish!” I meant to say “write” but oh well.
Ok, I’ll do that. No I won’t. I’m done wishing. I’m here to DO, now, and what I do is write, and massage, and live, and try to love others the best I can, and I act, and I do improvisational comedy, and what is one of the number one rules of improv?
Just jump out there and fucking do it. Just fucking SAY it. What are you doing? Fucking SAY it! Tell the audience where you are, what you’re doing, who you and your partner are to each other. Don’t leave us guessing, don’t make us wonder. Just fucking SAY IT. (In the words of our artistic director).
That’s a wonderful approach to life itself, and all the relationship paradigms within our realities. Just fucking say it. I took that approach recently with someone I am very close with and felt myself losing them. Time will tell. But it feels good to just fucking SAY IT.
We’ve been ruined by sitcom-culture. Short attention spans, unwitty humor, only follow small plot lines, won’t get to the point, pussyfoot around the tough parts, always expect a pleasant outcome but never make the effort to get there, and if it lasts more than 22 minutes we’re done with it.
It ruins relationships, because it gives us unrealistic expectations. Boy always gets the girl, siblings always fight, best friends always stay best friends (unless the plot makes them better enemies), parents always argue, lovers never argue or always get over their argument quickly (within 22 minutes, in fact).
It gives people unrealistic expectations of their fellow humans here on earth. It makes people lump together “good advice” as to how things “Are” or “should be” and pass it around social media like a fucking virus. None more so than in the relationship category.
“If things are meant to be, they’ll find a way”
“If someone really wants to spend time with you, they’ll make time, no matter how busy they are”
“A real man/woman will never break your heart”
There are so many more, but the fact is, all this good-intentioned “advice” is PURELY EGOTISTICAL.
It is the advice of one person who lost out on what they thought something SHOULD BE, and decided to tell others that if theirs WASN’T what it SHOULD BE, it wasn’t meant to be at all.
So if he doesn’t spend a lot of time with me and he’s very busy and his awkward self sometimes says things he doesn’t realize hurts my feelings and rarely texts back means, according to typical relationship advice (that I avoid at all costs) that he doesn’t love me, doesn’t care about me, nothing is real, it won’t grow, it’s not meant to be. Because if it was, he wouldn’t say hurtful things, he wouldn’t work, he’d spend all his time and money on me, and it’ll happen magically with little to no effort on anyone’s parts.
Get out of that fantasy.
Real relationships of ANY paradigm take some work. Mostly they take honesty and compromise, that I’ve noticed. Be honest with how you feel. You may think “he doesn’t spend enough time with me, he must not like me” but have you actually SAID IT? “I don’t feel like we spend enough time together, it makes me insecure about how you feel about me.” Guess what is possible, even though we rarely see it anywhere BUT a sitcom (which doesn’t do the talking for us, you know.) IT’S POSSIBLE TO TALK THINGS OUT. And even come to an even more satisfying conclusion than if the conclusion you were looking for was storybook perfection. Because the downfalls in all relationships always build depth, so that the good sides can have much more meaning than if the bad had never happened.
And sometimes there are deeper issues causing problems that typical relationship advice does not take into consideration (because relationships can never be uncomfortable, and deeper issues are uncomfortable).
All anyone WANTS to hear is, “if it doesn’t feel perfect, it’s not meant to be”
So we search all our lives looking for the one that makes us feel “perfect”, and since there IS NO SUCH THING in the reality of our human egos, to feel “perfection” it gives us the perfect excuse to avoid working out actual problems.
And when we do find what we perceive to be “perfection” quickly falls apart when our idealizations of one another give way to imperfection and we can’t handle it.
You know what a real relationship is?
Two entirely flawed people making it work.
You put in the effort you wish to receive from the relationship, and you make it work. Sometimes, especially in the beginning or the beginning of a necessary change, this effort is one-sided. If it’s meant to be… You’ll keep on trying.
Fate or destiny or whatever, may be what gives us the opportunity. But we need to take that opportunity and utilize it, fate won’t do the hard work for us. This isn’t sitcom, this isn’t movies. Things CAN “just happen” but then it’s up to you to keep it going, determine whether it is good for you, whether you are ready to put in that work or the time isn’t right, just keep on moving, or go for it. Relationships don’t come with instructions. The simple thing to remember is, all you can do is what’s best for you. And sometimes what’s best, is putting forth the work in order not to lose the best thing that ever happened to you. Because even though every moment may not be perfect, and in fact, as of late, most moments have been worse than the last, you still recognize its purpose in your life. It just opens another opportunity in healing.
If it feels entirely wrong, then walk away.
The fact that neither has, to me, says something big.
The bigger truth is, sometimes it just takes faith. Effort and faith. I like that. Then you’ll find things starting to get easier and flow more smoothly.
Don’t be afraid to look or sound like an idiot and just fucking say what you mean.
Nobody’s perfect. I sound like an idiot all the time.
Now I do it with complete honesty.
I FUCKING HATE NEGATIVE EMOTION
There, I’ve had my say.
Even I didn’t know this was so bottled up inside of me until I started writing this post. Dude.
Have a beautiful day,