The title to this blog is simply the fact that I was called such while wearing my belly dance costume and posing for an art class. It did indeed make me feel queenly and admired, and that’s not a negative feeling at all. (Nor one I am used to).
I have a bone to pick. It is simply this: You would think some people would get tired of the taste of their own feet but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Do people talk to hear themselves speak and forget to listen? Or are there people that are honestly so uncaring they’ll do what they can to make somebody feel guilty for nothing they’ve done wrong? Once upon a time, I used to think no such person existed and I would gladly go back to that assumption if it were in any way true. So as one not to judge, I can simply hope it’s true.
Well I’m done picking that bone (who came up with that phrase? Honestly!) And I have decided to do something daring, brave, adventurous! (Even more so than posing nude for an art class!) I’m going to try… acupuncture.
Now, that may or may not be a big deal to some. I’m not particularly fond of needles but I’m not terrified of them so I can’t use that as an excuse (too many years in the healthcare system as a patient or care giver, particularly in acute peds, has numbed me to the fear of needles and IVs) it is simply the idea that… something may work.
Why do I fear success? I don’t fear failure, not as one may expect. Because I consider failure a part of life and life’s best lessons learned. But success? Good god, I couldn’t be more afraid. I’m a chronic self-saboteur and often second guess my choices because of such. But this is a major one. I’ve all but given up on the idea of “health” and this has always seemed something that may bring relief in one way or another. So I’m flat out… terrified.
Also, any form of success tends to go away, so I wonder if I even know what real success actually is. Hm. Yet another thing to ponder.
But I’m gonna do it anyway. Can’t learn anything if you don’t experience anything. So maybe it will, and maybe it won’t work. At least then I’ll know. And if it’s a success?
Well, if I come to that bridge, I guess I’ll have to learn to cross it without setting it on fire first.
After all, one cannot be Queen if they are always falling off the bridges they build themselves 😉
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