If my previous post had no one worried, this one will do the trick. This being my therapy of sorts, besides now ethics class in school (haha, all but one of us has managed to start crying on multiple occasions. It’s a beautiful thing.) I thought I would write about my holy mother effing crappy weekend. We’ll start with a list.
Friday: Among things such as sore feet and back and migraine from hell, my elderly client and I were shot at by a pissy neighbor who wanted us off his property. Yes, it’s being looked into.
Saturday: Worked a super long shift and only got half my order done because I was doing someone else’s job simultaneously.
Sunday: The infamous overflowing sink escapade that I previously wrote about.
All the while stressing out about, well, you know, being shot at and the super huge test I have tomorrow. I have yet to overcome the numbness from both instances, though thanks to a great instructor, our whole class finally stopped getting a group-migraine and becoming teary-eyed, and finally got some of the answers and questions straightened out so we’re only 50% terrified instead of 110%.
I’m finding myself relating to my classmates in one way or another, pieces of their stories so familiar to me, yet so foreign, and yet, I still feel somewhat distanced and I’m wondering if it is a reflection of me and my emotions somehow. It occurred to me that nothing in the past year has gone right, every new things has gone entirely wrong, and I’ve not had very good experiences with becoming close to others, especially new people in my life. So I’m terrified of it. Of course, I’ll have to get closer to these people than I’ve got with anyone else before. Having to be ok with sharing personal life stories in class and locating the sacrum (your “ass bone” for lack of better term) on your classmate has an effect.
A personally terrifying one, for the fact that I hold almost no trust for anyone. No, that’s not true. It’s just that I am so used to being betrayed and/or left that I can’t even fathom the idea of getting close to someone, even if the instructors have stated that these people will eventually become life-long friends. I am not doubting it at this point. Of course, I hold beliefs that they do not, and I seem quite more open to holistic health than they are, so they look at me funny when I mention such things as acupressure (which we’re going to be learning so ha ha. If it takes hearing it from an instructor and not me to believe it, I’ll only be a little offended) and despite we’re all a somewhat healthy group of people, with holistic ideals with our goals being hydration, exercise and eating healthy, I am still the “hippie” of the group, lol. So what if I can’t quite help but educate people on food and the affects it has on your body and the fact that I am an encyclopedia of health foods and their effects. To a group who thinks whole wheat pasta is better for you than semolina pasta, or that steaming your inorganic broccoli is better than grilling it- it falls on deaf ears. I can’t help it that I work in a health food store.
It also is nonesohelpful that despite the common denominators, there seems to be somewhat of a hitch in how I relate to my classmates. Most have kids. Most have traveled elsewhere. Most have stories about themselves and their kids and their travels. I almost stole a baby today. That would have made a great story.
Nah, I wouldn’t have stolen the baby. The mother was way too attentive, the baby was breast fed and managed to slobber all over the shoulder of my scrubs before realizing my shoulder wasn’t going to give her milk. Then she tried my fingers, but discovered they wouldn’t give her milk either. Then she tried her own hand, same story. I love babies and she let me hold her for a long time. Mostly because sometimes people neglect to realize that they can get cold easy, and the best way to calm a fussy cold baby, I’ve learned by experience in peds in the hospital, is not to swaddle them- but to hold them facing you, pressed to your body and rubbing their back so they get the simultaneous body heat and heat friction on their back, plus the calming sensation of having their back rubbed and whatever shushing noises that (especially women) tend to make on instinct when a baby is crying. She loved being held like that. And why did I suddenly wander into that topic? Ah yes. I want babies. And the mother wouldn’t let me have hers.
Regardless… I have completely lost my train of thought.
Anyway, I’m working hard and going to school full time and publishing my novel and holding back when I shouldn’t be. I need to work on that. Oh well. It’s bed time. Peace out, my peeps.
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