I guess I’m feeling a little melancholy (or more so just reminiscent), wondering what happened between the summer of 1989 and March of 2013 to bring me where I am today. To elaborate, a fond memory taking place in the late summer of 1989 is one of my clearest and most treasured childhood memories, a moment that brings me peace whenever I think of it. The mind of a four year old is an innately innocent thing.
I think of how often we’re lied to as children, in adults’ well-meaning but poor attempts at preserving our innocence. Fairy tales and Santa Claus, promises made and never kept.
I could go into this topic in more depth, but I really don’t want to. We all have childhood memories we would rather not have ever experienced. We all have times in our lives that make us wonder what-the-fuck-just-happened, and more importantly WHY.
The important thing is to remember that your past does not define you. It can only make you stronger if you let it.
Your future is your choice.
I suppose I got a little too involved in a scene I am writing, or perhaps I’m just sorting through my own mental shit to get out what I’m trying to portray. Out of all the emotional scenes I’ve ever written in my lifetime, this is proving hardest. I’m not sure why. Probably because I’m still young enough to relate to the emotions of the man in this scene, trying to overcome a childhood of “WHY”, why did this have to happen, why did I miss out on this, where did it all go wrong?
And how can I recover now?
Don Henley said it perfect when he sang, “And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales”
I guess there’s only one thing left to do. Accept that this is the end of the innocence, childhood is over, it’s time to relish in being an adult, it’s time to change my mind and change my life and accept that though the future in front of me is scary and far beyond my comfort zone- that doesn’t make it a bad thing.
It just means I need to find that peace inside of me again, the same peace I felt in 1989.
And know that everything is going to be ok.
P.S. I’m on to part two of chapter one in Destroyed, my third novel in my series, in case you’re unaware. Read it here, and tell me what you think! I’m almost finished with the ending, soon to be published on March 31st, 2013. It’s coming along well 🙂