I am, and I am not ashamed to admit it. I realize I still have some things on my Kindle I haven’t yet read, but I can’t help but think “What happens after I read them?? Then what??”
Ok, so this post has been sitting open for awhile. Why? I have a boo-boo? Yes, but that’s not the whole reason. I want to make dinner, and don’t know what to make, so I decided instead to stare wonderingly into the distance, hoping the stale, stagnant spring-but-not-quite-spring air outside my closed window may offer some dietary suggestions? Well, ok so that’s a good portion. All it can suggest to me is curried garbanzos and organic white jasmine rice. Or, well, maybe my stomach is saying that to me, and my taste buds are going along with that suggestion. Step two. Actually getting off my lazy patootie and walking myself out to the kitchen to make it.
Instead, I blog about it. Because blogging about it is much easier than making it when I’m feeling this crappy.
“But you’re a poet, shouldn’t you be off in authorland authoring some words onto electronic paper with your dictionary and your imagination guided by your penchant for grammar nazi-ing and furrowing your brow and drinking your brown liquor in the forever-stereo-typecast ideal of the typical poet?” Well if I am a stereotype writer, I ought to go find my spectacles, turn on my phonograph for some classical pleasure listening, and sport my top hat.
No, I don’t wear glasses. I don’t have a taste for brown liquor- I am a vodka girl, I don’t wear top hats, I wear fedoras (true fact, by the way, though I put my fedoras away for the windy/snowy season) I do grammar nazi, I don’t furrow one brow but two, I am listening to classical music though on my ipod and not a phonograph, and my imagination seems to be bogarted by my appetite at the moment.
And Microsoft Windows XP Spelling and Grammar Check- “Bogarted”, according to google, merriam-webster.com, thefreedictionary.com AND dictionaryreference.com, IS indeed a real word, used correctly in my paragraph.
Sheesh, apparently Windows is more of a grammar nazi than I am- however, I wish it would get its facts straight because it tells me things are wrong when they’re right, and it doesn’t correct some things I mistype. Luckily, in most cases, I know I mistyped them and fix them myself.
Oh boy, perhaps I am the stereotype writer, just a modern day one.
Also, a very hungry one.
Also is not uncommon for the typical writer and/or human being during dinner time. Although, I think I am using it as an excuse to employ my amazing procrastination abilities to good use, though I have signed off Facebook, I took that to be a sign of personal growth and encouragement. But here I am, having exchanged needless Facebook procrastination time with blogging about curry, stereotypes and procrastination. I can’t help but feel like a very high maintenance novel, in which no matter how many words I use, they just aren’t good enough.
Not until I eat, anyway.
“Make dinner” you say?? Never! And I repeat Never!! (No, now read it again with a fake British accent. There you go, now you have the full effect. Pretend I’m swilling some form of strong alcohol in a wine glass, with those spectacles and that top hat. Perfect.)
Oh, have I yet mentioned exactly what I am avoiding? No? Ah yes, the elusive and yet oh-so-desirable and not-yet-created genius of Book Four.
Seems I have this problem with every book. Especially the ones that are already completed. I WANT TO CHANGE THEM. It’s like taking a sculpture that hasn’t yet been kilned, and having an undeniable urge to reshape it. If the book has been published and I get the desire to “remold” it, or change details facts or plots, I can say to myself “Ha Ha it’s published you can’t touch it! Neener Neener!”
But this… This.
This is unpublished, unfinished, oh so moldable and fixable and ready to be manipulated into something entirely new if I so desire. And I so desire.
“But what’s wrong with the old version?”
Are you kidding? How, and I repeat, HOW can you even ASK that??
It’s unnew (now that isn’t a real word) it’s unchecked, unedited, untouched for so long. Yes, there’s small details I must change due to changes I made before publishing book 3, which I had to change due to details I changed in book 2, which I had to change due to details I changed in book 1…
But why change minor details? Why stick with that? Why not go out and change THE ENTIRE THING?
Wipe the slate clean with my old fashioned electronic handkerchief, pour myself a shot of warm brown liquor, make a toast to my old efforts as a poet and CREATE A WHOLE NEW PLOT.
Oh the temptation, the temptation! Pick up my electronic pen and have a whole new go at this! Change it! Reinvent a whole new world! Why MUST they say what I already have written down, when my characters can say WHOLE NEW WORDS? Why must their actions remain the way they are when they can do something ENTIRELY NEW? Just change the WHOLE DAMN THING!!
Because I’m the Poet.
Because I CAN.
But really, should I?
Maybe not while I’m this hungry.
Have a good night!