Here we go. It’s all about the Benjamins, baby. (Hah, wait, I don’t see any bens in these files…) I’m doing my finances. Especially, most importantly, my business finances. Creating expenditure and profit lists, client information lists, that sort of thing. That was last night, I stayed up until five AM doing this.
Tonight, it’s time to catch up on my SOAP notes (Subjective, Objective, Action, Plan) that is legally required following massage.
OMG, this post is so boring I just about fell asleep. Or it could be the Sake. Yum. I came home from my last massage of the day to find an open bottle of Sake sitting out. So, naturally, I helped myself to some. I’m also making dinner. The problem is, I worry that some nice gentle rice wine and curry (do those two often go together? Never mind, I’m going to be done with the Sake far before dinner’s done cooking) will make me drowsy.
And the original title of this blog was not-so-destined to be “Hands Off The Kindle” Why? Because it’s been my go-to device whenever I need a break from life, and it’s become somewhat of a crutch as of late. And guess what, I’ve needed that quite often lately. Sick nieces and sick grandmothers and major life changes and jackass boyfriends aside, whew, I’m a little worried I may be getting overwhelmed.
Then, comes flush that warming feeling deep inside that alcohol tends to provide during times like these, along with the slightly increased amount of erase-and-retypes.
Everyone has a favorite book. Everyone has a book that they read and say, “God I wish I was there.” That speaks to them on so many levels, in so many ways, that you find a piece of yourself in every character, you can relate to the way this person speak, that person acts, even the side characters- hell, sometimes even the enemies- provide you with that little feeling inside of belonging and hope. And that, my friends, is the whole point of stories.
Excuse me, while I ensure my curry is not burning, and add the tomatoes.
Wait, I just answered my own question. Sake DOES go with curry, because I’m serving my curry dish with rice, and Sake is rice wine (the only wine I can stand, by the way)
And in what universe does “My grandmother is sick in the hospital and I may have to go there in the morning and then I work all day tomorrow and I’m busy in the evening, so I will call you on Saturday” equates to “Yes I will drop everything and have dinner with you tomorrow” ? Sorry to say, not MY universe, whether certain people expect it or not. I honestly do not feel that text deserves a reply, so it is not getting one.
Right, yes. The books. The stories. They’re escapes, are they not? To be someone else for just a little while, to live their lives, to follow their stories, their adventures and share with them their emotions and life. I can very easily see how reading can become anyone’s escape, unfortunately, I fear that not enough people nowadays use it as such. More people need to read, is my opinion. Nowadays, people turn to Sake and other alcoholic beverages. The only issue is that I cannot do finances and read and blog and catch up with my SOAP notes and work on story boards and decide whether or not to turn my Legends franchise into an actual publishing company (purely for the sake of easier taxes, perhaps) or not, if I am reading. Which is why I have been reading so much. (You know, doing what you don’t really feel like doing being impossible while reading… Definitely an appeal there…) But it occurs to me simply that I am avoiding a lot of things right now. SOAP notes being the least of them.
Oh dear, yes I know I’m not the only one with issues. But see, my favorite characters’ issues I can share in and not have to take actual responsibility for. But I can live it, and feel how they are resolved, and feel good at the end of the book. Life just isn’t like that.
I am making a dire mistake. I am taking an emotional day and topping it off with Sake and the song “The End of The Innocence” By Don Henley. The last genuine year of my childhood, 1996. After that it was nothing but taking care of the sick and injured and sacrificing my own needs to ensure things and people stuck together. This is the first year I’ve focused solely on me. And even then, I’m not solely focusing on me.
But I remember the sunshine, riding my bike in the bright sunlight and gentle Oregon winds minutely scented with a touch of comforting sea air, the tall grass swaying, the summer evenings of my childhood dipping into soft dusk, then night time, where I would read and assure myself that the sun would rise again the next day. And it always did. As it always does.
What is a one sided relationship anyway? In short, exhausting. Bringing up my favorite (one of) sayings;
“Trying to understand the behavior of others is like trying to smell the color 9”
It brings me great comfort when I find myself stressing and trying to figure out exactly how someone’s mind can take someone else’s tragedy and somehow make it about themselves. And no matter what I do and say, it will always be about them.
No, sorry honey, that’s not how my universe works. And never will it, I don’t have the patience, energy or lack of self-respect to be the minority in a relationship. My world is equal grounds, or my grounds are off limits. The end.
I wonder if I may regret this post come time for me to be less warm inside. Probably not. I’m on the warm side, not yet tipsy, and not desperate enough to become so. Just taking the edge off the planet, is all.
Off comes the edge, in comes the realization that I need to take care of myself. With that comes the brutal point I MUST concede that sleep, right now, is more important than SOAP notes, more important than math and finances, more important than story boards and indecisive decision making. So here is my plan. Put leftovers away. Drink a ton of water. Go to bed.
Hopefully the nightmares will hold off for a night, and I can get restful sleep, and maybe feel prepared for my day this time.
But probably not. Not with everything going on.
At least this is my second to last day at the store. That’s going to help A LOT.
Good night, my dear friends.