Pushing Forward


Having another guilt attack for spending the afternoon writing rather than something “more productive”, such as what many others do on a Saturday afternoon… nothing.

I know, I know, I should not feel such a way. My worry that such a worry will affect my writing often leads me to begin, continue and prompt myself with affirmations and self-talk to get the voices out of my head that are either reflections of what I think others will say, or repetitive fixations on previous people and the words they chose to say to me when they told me I am wasting my time writing, I am lazy for spending the day at my computer.

And then I sit back and I think… Usually, simultaneously staring out my window, which is only closed when freakishly cold outside… If people CHOSE to say these ill-mannered words to me, I can CHOOSE whether to believe them or not. Anyone who has read multiple posts of mine may have an idea that I struggle with the sensation of guilt when I spend long periods of time writing. Why?

Why indeed?

And even better question, if I was so offended when it was spoken to me (multiple times, regardless) Then why in the world am I repeating it to myself now?

At this point, it is entirely mine to face. What people think about me is none of my business. If I choose to repeat negative words to myself while I’m trying to do something productive, I guess then that’s my choice.

But I think from now on, I’m going to choose my words better. I am not being lazy, I am contributing to the literary world by finishing book four. I have high hopes for this book, I have high hopes for myself, and I KNOW I can do it. I just KNOW it!

So believe in yourself, and don’t believe what others tell you. Because they don’t know.

Only you do.

And every once in awhile, it’s ok to get stuck and stare out your window for awhile. Eventually, if you leave your mind open long enough, perspective will come.




“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity”

-Edgar Allan Poe


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