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CNAs- We’re awesome and we know it

I have one looks just like it.

I’m going to write about CNAs (Certified Nursing Assistants) Why? I am one. I don’t have any pictures of myself in my scrubs or any nurse assistant equipment, so I found some pictures of other awesome CNAs.

We're awesome and we know it.

Ok, I’m a CNA and proud to be one, and the work I’ve done in my CNA career has been life-changing and phenomenal. Some of you may ask, What is a CNA? Or perhaps, What does a CNA do? Simple. We do everything nurses USED to do. We take care of the patients/residents in a way nurses used to have time for, but are now so bogged down with paperwork they can no longer afford the time it takes. Then we take over.

There are a million and one misconceptions concerning CNAs that I would love to clear up. Then I want to tell you a couple stories.

Misconception #1. We only work with the elderly

Not true. If you’ve ever been to a hospital and had somebody bring you towels, change your sheets, dress you, bathe you, feed you, bring in your food and drinks, interrogate you on how much you’ve peed, emptied your urinal and/or bed pan, listened to your needs, answered questions, wiped your ass, or came up with some brilliant and complicated plan to keep your IV out of the water while you bathe- You’ve just met a CNA.

Misconception #2. We don’t do any of the “real” work

I’d laugh, but that would be rude. People assume since we’re Certified and don’t have a License or spent four years in school means we don’t do any actual healthcare work. Let me clear something up: We’re trained to do the work we do, we’ve been through school, we’re state board certified in the same system of which nurses and doctors are licensed through and we’re recognized as healthcare professionals nation wide. Chances are, we’ve been trained in more variations of patient care than nurses are, we have more experience with patient needs and necessities, and we’re your best advocates for getting your needs met. We work tirelessly for you, for your health, and we do it with not just the professional standards required of us to keep our certifications: But with care for your well-being. We don’t care for your personal and medical needs, wipe asses and clean soiled sheets and deal with some of the hardest aspects of healthcare for the fun of it. We want you to be safe and clean, and we have the professional training in which to do it properly, period.

Misconception #3. We’re CNAs because we couldn’t cut it as nurses

Wrong again. We’re CNAs for the same reason a few decades ago nurses didn’t want to become doctors: Because we want to deal with the patients, not the paperwork. I’ve known plenty of career CNAs who do it for the cause, for the patient, and because they love to take care of others, despite the horrible pay, worse hours and consistent back stabbing and criticism from nurses and doctors.

Misconception #4. We’re just glorified housekeepers, or babysitters

I like to consider us as professional multi-taskers. Consider this: Anyone who has ever had to prevent an Alzheimer’s inflicted resident from flushing their pull-up down the toilet, slipping on their urine all over the floor or putting their pull up on their head or sticking silverware where the sun don’t shine, at the same time they’re changing the attend (ahem, “diaper”) on a full grown 250 pound adult male (I weigh about 109 pounds) and change an entire set of sheets and blankets without having the ability to remove the patient from the bed first, then answer six call-lights at once, while taking vitals, passing medication, taking temperatures, charting, cleaning, dressing and bathing residents can hardly be considered a “glorified babysitter” or “lazy” (Which is what that term essentially boils down to) We WORK for our money, and we work HARD.

Misconception #5. We’re CNAs because we don’t want to do the “dirty” work

Don’t read this if you’re squeamish. I’ve been pissed in the eye. I’ve gotten fecal matter rubbed in my face and hair and mouth. I’ve been thrown up on multiple times, including head-to-toe in foul smelling green bile and chunks of last night’s dinner. I’ve been pissed on, shit on, puked on, snotted on, spit on, bled on and have stepped in everything from  mucus to come (which I’ve also had smeared on me, long story.) I’ve waded through literal puddles of blood to reach a resident who had fallen. I’ve been shat on with a spray of diarrhea as an unfortunate result of being on the wrong end of a sick resident. I’ve been unwantedly kissed, licked, bitten, scratched, dragged, hit, yanked on, thrown around and kicked. I’ve changed soiled sheets that were so soiled they had to be discarded. I’ve cleaned up every bodily fluid known to man, including colostomy bags exploding on me of which hold fluids that no one was intended to see or smell. I’ve had catheter bags explode on the front of my shirt, I’ve cleaned up many dead bodies, – ok so I could go on but I think you get the point. If I wanted to keep my hands clean, I would have worked in a meat factory.

Misconception #6. Being a CNA is easy

I think you’re getting the idea by now how untrue that is. I’ve worked 12 and 15 hour shifts, weeks in a row, with pay too low to live on decently, taking no breaks in conditions that should require hazard pay. I’ve exposed myself to diseases and illnesses and suffered and worked through flus, colds, and other contagious short-term illnesses many a time just to care for those too sick to care for themselves. I’ve been involved in life-and-death emergency situations in which call for the quickest decisions to save lives. I put my life at risk to care for these people, willingly, and that is no exaggeration.

So that all being said, in a small list of many many misconceptions, I would like to admit that for as many “disgusting” situations I’ve been in, I’ve been involved in just as many heartbreaking, and just as many funny ones as well. Being a CNA is enriching to the soul and the heart, and I’ve learned lessons in life that no other occupation or schooling could teach me.

Anyone who has ever found themselves in a situation when they were too sick to care for themselves and were cared for and nursed back to health by others- you know what us CNAs do. I’ve saved lives, I’ve nursed the sick, I’ve lived the heartbreak over and over that is watching the pain and suffering of others while doing my best to ease it. I’ve been a counselor to those with unbearable traumas they won’t speak to anyone else about, but feel comfortable enough talking to the little nurse in scrubs who is helping them live just a little longer. I’ve heard war stories, combat stories from the most vicious battles from the most decorated vets, I’ve heard trauma stories from nurses and doctors and army nurses and emergency personnel. I’ve heard stories of childhood diseases and poverty and illness and loss and pain, and I’ve held the hand of the Alzheimer’s inflicted dying old man who just wanted to see his daughter one last time. I’ve sat with the sick and elderly while they died. I’ve taken care of and nurtured the sickest babies, rocked them and gave them the love and nurturing the parents who abandoned them at the hospital never gave them. To the sick and confused, I’ve been a mother, a daughter, a friend, a companion, a long lost lover, a beloved cat, a loving aunt, a neighbor, a doctor, a nurse.  I’ve been called a guardian angel, sent from heaven to care for them. I doubt this is any sort of true, but to be given such gratitude from somebody who without you, would be dying alone, in misery and pain, without a soul to care for their lives or who they were as people (not just sick and/or dying)- Well, you get the idea.

So please, the next time you decide to put down a CNA, just remember the sacrifice that is our jobs, and realize that most of us do it because we WANT to, not because we HAVE to, and we do it for you because we care.



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Courage of a Dragon


If there is any creature I wish my courage could match, it would be a dragon (mythical-y speaking, of course.)

I’ve said it before, how I admire courage for all it’s worth, and it’s worth a lot.

But today, just now, I was analyzing just how MUCH courage it takes to live our daily lives. Even  the simplest decisions we make takes more courage than any of us realize we possess. So why not take it a step further?

If we can understand ourselves, and understand our potential- and more importantly, believe in our potential- we can stand on top of the world and be proud to call ourselves Humans.

It takes strength to stand above a petty argument and realize the truth behind it, that perhaps somebody is arguing because they feel insecure, unsafe, unloved.

It takes strength to get up in the mornings to face your bosses, or coworkers, or teachers, or somebody else who may not appreciate you, may treat you awfully, may not respect you as a human being.

It takes strength to go to bed knowing that you’ll just do the same the next day.

Deadlines and deals, early mornings and late nights, trying to push aside unhealthy habits and take up something healthier.

But most of all, it takes courage…

To fall in love.

Or, rather, to admit it when you have.

Legit or not, reciprocated or not- it takes courage to tell somebody how you feel.

I would venture to guess that most everyone knows the feeling. The butterflies in the tummy, the euphoric thoughts, doing and saying things you never in a million years thought you would. When their smile (or glance) can change your life.

And you’re terrified. Because what if they don’t reciprocate? What if they outright loathe you? (Rarely is this true). What if they’ve been sending you “go away” signals and you haven’t noticed?

For as much as you eagerly await their next text, you dread what it may say. The fragile moment in time where you are both feeling the same nervousness and don’t have the guts to take the next step and just say it. Say you like them, say you love them, say you care about them. That takes courage, trust me. Because no matter how hard you try, you cannot dictate the emotions of others (although how much more simple would life be if we could, huh?)

But I can promise you this. No matter what, it’s worth the risk to admit your feelings before it’s too late. Better to be rejected for the truth than accepted for a lie, and the truth is, if you’re rejected for the truth- that person didn’t deserve the truth to begin with.

And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships either. Anyone you love, tell them. Think of how wonderful it would feel if somebody said it to you? Say it to someone you love. The feeling you get when you’re told, or tell someone that you love them, is worth the thousand nerves it takes to say it. Just say it. You won’t regret it.

And THAT, my friends, is Dragon Courage.



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Inspiration in Low Places (A Wee Bit Explicit)

Haha, so I have a couple of things still on my mind, which is why I’m blogging twice in one day. I feel over-caffeinated without the caffeine. OMG (unauthorized acronym usage!!) is this what a good mood feels like?? No, this is what a good mood “mixer” feels like. I added a bit of homemade sour mix, composed of unshaken stress and happy restlessness, and a bit of pent-up frustrations for that little bit of “zing”. My own personal cocktail.

So you’re probably wondering what this blog post is about. Well, probably not, because you all probably stopped reading by now.

This might get a bit explicit, so caution if you’re the cautious type. I might remove this disclaimer if this post ends up being clean or whatever you fucking call it. Not likely to happen. As a matter of fact, there is a good chance I may regret this post come the morn. (And no, I’m not drunk.)

So, I spent all of my childhood not wanting to be a child, not wanting to be sick, and not wanting to be helpless and hopeless with all my decisions made by others and my sick body. So guess what? I’d like to declare, that even though it’s been less than ideal: I’m GLAD to finally be an adult.

Sure I miss the days where responsibility was listening to your teacher and not getting wet during recess (dude, some bitch told the teacher I stomped in a puddle after she splashed me on purpose, and I got in trouble with the principle. Can anyone say WTF?? PLUS, with the added fact that, um, telling kindergarteners not to get wet or splash in puddles during recess in NORTHWEST OREGON, is just retarded and unlikely). Ok, that rant is over. I kind of miss being too little to reach tall things (wait…) and not understanding broken cars (we had plenty, but I didn’t have to be the one standing over the engine and cussing) or rentals with consistent fixes to be made (hey, I didn’t have to crawl under the sink and fix them pipes while cussing) or pay bills, or even know what bills were. I knew the neighbor boy down the street was an asshole that kept trying to get me in trouble, and he was very close to being the first boy I ever junk punched or kicked. (Punch was more likely, he was 16 and I was 5. He should have been more careful). I remember the worst day of my life at the time was when I was four, and I was racing myself down the driveway (trying to beat my record before dinner) on my little pink, blue and white plastic big-wheel and the wheel got caught on a pebble, turned, I flew over the handles and caught myself with my palms and slid a couple of feet. Yes, the road rash hurt, my pride hurt, I was afraid of getting yelled at. But as I was peeling the tiny pebbles out of my bleeding skin, I realized I had in fact beat my time and CHEERED! YES!!

It’s the small victories that count. It was a mixed blessing. I thought my palms might get infected and I might die, but at least I beat my time!

Anyway I’m slightly off my topic and I just want to say again: I’m glad to be an adult. And an open-minded one. Here’s why.

NO MORE JUDGMENT. Wait…. haha, I just made myself laugh. No judgment? WTF? Judgment is all over the place. Take for instance, if I were to make the simple statment, “I like cock”, that’s going to draw A LOT of judgment of all sorts. Do I care?

No. I’m no slut, and I happen to have my own likes and dislikes, whether they match others or not- well, that really doesn’t make a difference to me. Besides, want to know the MOST critiqued sentence I have spoken in my life?

“I’m a vegan”.

By far I get more ridicule for telling people I am a vegan than I have ever gotten from any “improper” observations or statements I’ve made.

I like being old enough to like cock and declare so proudly, I like being old enough to make my own dietary choices and stick with them for my health. These statements should be no less shocking than a man stating “I like pussy” or a carnivore stating “I eat meat”.


Here’s the deal. I have a problem with our society declaring that genuinely healthy activities/items are “unhealthy” and will do everything they can to convince me (and others) of this misguided interpretation of right and wrong. One, I have a problem with the preaching! If you want to state your opinion, state your opinion. I have no problem with it. But when you try and convince me that you’re right and I’m wrong, I have a major problem with that and the conversation isn’t going to go as pleasantly as you hope.

Those healthy activities and items I refer to include sex and veganism, it includes exercise and speaking your mind, it includes finding explicit things funny or sexy and having a good sense of humor. It includes having my own ideals of faith and healing, my own ideals of fun and humor and a good time, and an occasional drink or two. That I’m political, I don’t follow an organized religion, that I advocate animals and organic foods. And good fucking god, plenty more. These are all things of which people have tried preaching to me about. And honestly, what the fuck is the point?

First off, I’d like to state, I have nothing against those who find swearing and sex offensive, who eat meat (some meaty diets can be healthy too), who choose to have a conservative and/or polite outlook on their sexuality and intimate relationships and religion or politics. I have nothing against those who don’t drink, save their virginity for a special time, read for fun or have stopped reading this the moment they saw “explicit” in the title. I applaud those willing to state their opinions, likes, dislikes, etc.

Veganism is a genuinely healthy diet. And as with ANY diet of ANY kind, you must be sure you’re including all your dietary needs such as protein and fats and minerals and vitamins. Things of which you are NOT getting from your roastbeef sandwiches and french fries.

Having a healthy outlook on sex and sexuality is incredibly important. The more stigmas you place on these topics, the more stigmas you place on yourself, and the more you end up feeling bad about yourself because sexuality is a part of every person in every walk of life, to deny that is to deny your own existence. Everyone has “dirty” thoughts, accept them and get over yourself. Of course, being careful what cocks you’re letting near your pussy (or which cunts you’re about to stick your dick in) is super important. You don’t want anyone’s tainted happy juices fucking up your good pieces. Be proud of them and keep them clean and yourself healthy.

I have every respect for people with like beliefs getting together and discussing and celebrating their faith. If you’re going to preach to me and tell me your belief is the only one to follow, go fuck yourself. Preaching to others is NOT celebrating your beliefs, it’s spreading your opinions in a way that is NOT appreciated and only paints your beliefs in a negative light. Who wants that? I can celebrate my spirituality the way I want. I resent the question “do you believe in God?” Dude, you’re only asking because you’ve already decided my opinion for me, therefore you will not listen to anything I say, you just want the chance to ridicule me if my opinion differs from yours. Fuck off.

I believe that anyone who cruelly abuses children, animals, or anyone weaker than them (or hell, anyone at all) should be shot. After fair trial, of course.

Ok so I could totally continue if I wanted to. And honestly, I do. I’m a very opinionated person, I enjoy speaking my mind, and will do so. I may not interject in others’ conversations to spit my opinion, but if asked I will give it, if I feel the need to speak up I will, or if I blog it- I will.

Anyway, the inspiration for the openness of this blog comes from a comedic song about bouncing dicks, it made me giggle and realize just how much I watch my mouth, and how I should NOT be ashamed of myself or my likes and desires and beliefs, and neither should anyone else.

So, time to go give myself an orgasm and sleep well tonight.

If I had any suggestions for you all, I’d suggest you do the same! 🙂


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