Tag Archives: living

Been awhile, hasn’t it?

Hello friends!

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I wanted to give a quick word for my new facebook project Romance Eternal, a page dedicated to lovers of romance and eternal love. It’s Love Language week!

Hope everyone is having a beautiful day!

Stacey

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“To survive, you must tell stories.”

-Umberto Eco

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cover    For more information on my published novels, click here!

 

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Oh me, oh my- My year in pictures.

BLOGDecember12

BLOGJanuary

HeartBLOGFebruary

BLOGMArch

BLOGApril

BLOGMay

BLOGJune

BLOgJuly

BLOGAugust

Heart

BLOgSeptember

BLOGOctober

BLOGBreakapart1

BLOGNOvember

BLOGfinal

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“To survive, you must tell stories.”

-Umberto Eco

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cover    For more information on my published novels, click here!

thevillagepoetpress  Visit The Village Poet Press

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Love and Other Crazy Stuff

“Open up your mind and see like me, open up your plans and damn you’re free, look into your heart and you’ll find love love love love. Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing, we’re just one big family, and it’s our godforsaken right to be loved loved loved loved, loved. -Jason Mraz ‘I’m Yours’ “

Today I made a playlist of songs that make me smile. I couldn’t really say why, except I smiled once today and I wanted to try it again. So I made a list of songs to smile to, and found myself singing them all. I’m having difficulties continuing because my topic today is a tricky one. Love.

“I’m on the edge of glory, and I’m hanging on a moment of truth. I’m on the edge of glory, and I’m hanging on a moment with you. I’m on the edge with you. – Lady Gaga ‘Edge of Glory’ “

I wish love was as easy as it is in stories. Even stories I write. Usually my characters are in some kind of bitter sweet relationship, but once in awhile soulmates come together. Sometimes love is lost. Sometimes love is gained. Sometimes love is unexpected. It’s so much easier to read about or write about than it is to live it.

“So I sneak out to the garden to see you, we keep quiet ’cause we’re dead if he knew, so close your eyes, escape this town for a little while. Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter and my daddy said stay away from Juliet, but you were everything to me I was begging you please don’t go- Taylor Swift ‘Love Story’ “

We all know love songs are (usually) bred from experience, bred from passion, bred from pain and loss and triumph and the hardships that are relationships and the lessons we learn from them. But even they make it seem easy. Four minutes of ‘Love Story’ singing at the top of my lungs makes me feel like a princess but when the song is over, I’m confused again.

“I can’t find, oh the right romantic line. See me once, and see the way I feel. Don’t discard me just because you think I mean you harm. But these cuts I have, they need love to help them heal.- Elton John ‘Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me’ “

It’s probably obvious to some that I am better with sex than I am that ridiculous ‘L’ word. And oh, I can’t blame past relationships, I can’t blame what I’ve been through before, because if I learned my lessons from those than I wouldn’t be continuously confused with every relationship I enter. I could blame that everybody tells me something different about relationships and gives me different advice, and many people want me to be in a relationship so badly they assume I am in a relationship with every person I meet. But that’s allowing others in my head where only I should be.

“Take me now, baby here as I am. Hold me close, try and understand. Desire is hunger is the fire I breathe. Love is a banquet from which we feed. Come on now try and understand. The way I feel when I’m in your hand. Take my hand come under cover, they can’t hurt you now, can’t hurt you now, can’t hurt you now. -Patti Smith ‘Because The Night’ “

And oh, I’ve had those relationships (haven’t we all?) The kind where you step back, a little more mature, a little wiser, a little worse-for-wear and ponder, “What the hell was I thinking??”

“I want your drama, the touch of your hand, I want your leather studded kiss in the sand. I want your love. Love love love I want your love. You know that I want you. You know that I need you. I want your bad romance. I want your lovin and I want your revenge, you and me could write a bad romance-Lady Gaga ‘Bad Romance’ “

Because I’m a free bitch, baby.

But the continuance of these situations have me wondering… Is it circumstance, or is it me? I’m not great with affection at the best of times, but I’m working on it. I like to think I make it fairly clear when I really like somebody, or really love somebody, I make sure the people in my life know I care for them the best I can. But when it comes to relationships…

“They call me cowboy, I’m the singer in black, throw your middle finger in the air let me see where you’re-“

Oops, I forgot I’m playing love songs to write this blog. Not Kid Rock. Funny. Last year I rented a car, drove five hours (ok so I took the long route) to another city in another state, stayed the night at a very expensive cheap hotel, got lost the next morning looking for the testing center to take my NCBTMB for Massage Therapy Licensing (which was across the street from my hotel as it turns out) passed the fucking thing, then got in my car and drove home. Five hours of feeling so good I listened to “American Bad Ass” the entire time, and not just to stay awake. (Leave at 8am, errands until 11am [last minute shit I forgot to do beforehand], get to your destination at 4pm, find hotel and settle in by 6pm, drive around looking for testing center to no avail until 8pm, keyed up stay awake until 5am, get to testing center by 8am, start drive home by 10am, NOT SMART. I took a nap at a gas station LOL.)

“Just tell me how I got this far. Just tell my why you’re here and who you are. Cause every time I look you’re never there. And every time I sleep you’re always there. Cause you’re everywhere to me, when I close my eyes it’s you I see. And everything I know that makes me believe, I’m not alone. I’m not alone. – Michelle Branch ‘Everywhere’ “

It’s not that I’m not a passionate person. Indeed, the exact opposite. I feel passion for so many things it’s hard to express, and it’s even harder to express to another person. I’m also big on the something-looks-one-way-but-is-actually-another. In case you haven’t realized, these songs aren’t entirely about love. I don’t believe in the kind of love you find in fairy tales. I believe in the kind of love a person feels for another, the kind of love a person should feel for themselves- gratitude, thankful to be alive, passion and pure positivity, the willingness to forgive and live with one another’s flaws. Everything and everyone is flawed in their own beautiful ways because we’re all different. Love isn’t thinking you found the perfect person (and if you think that, fuck them [literally], you’ll find otherwise because that’s when shit gets real.) Love is accepting people AS THEY ARE.

Love is not pressure. Love is not negativity. Love is not trying to change each other. Love is not for pretends. Love is not settling or submitting or putting on your mask. I meet too many people who want me to wear a mask, because they can’t handle seeing in me what they don’t want to see in themselves.

Flaws.

I don’t fall for masks. I try my damndest not to pretend. I’m honest. Some people hate that (some people don’t.) Ok.

Don’t try to change me.

Don’t try to change my mind.

Love isn’t about being the one perfect person to whom your mate melts for and loses all boundaries and drops all borders and climbs all bounds and suddenly their walls crumble and they spill all their secrets then you get married and have tons of babies.

Not my kind of love. And don’t expect that of me.

“Mile upon mile got no direction, we’re all playing the same game. We’re all looking for redemption, just afraid to say the name. So caught up now in pretending, what we’re seeking is the truth. I’m just looking for a happy ending. All I’m looking for is you. -Pat Green ‘Wave On Wave’ “

Love is equality. Love is faith. Love is hope. Love is freedom to express yourself (or not) as desired. Love is beauty in its richest form. Love is respect. Don’t get me wrong, you can create a sacred bond with somebody, and love somebody, but I’m beginning to think ‘Love’ has nothing to do with ‘Relationships’.

“I’m sinking slowly, so hurry hold me, your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on. Please can you tell me, so I can finally see, where you go when you’re gone. If you want to, I can save you, I can take you away from here. So lonely inside, so busy out there, and all you wanted was somebody who cares.- Michelle Branch ‘All You Wanted’ “

I’m not bad with love. I’m bad with relationships (history may suggest.) Or maybe I am just not attracting the kind of people who want relationships. Or maybe I’m attracting the type just like me, who don’t know how to be in a relationship. Maybe I’m attracting those still stinging from previous wounds, as I am. Battle weary and lonely.

And I know I am approaching this all wrong.

A lesson I have not yet learned.

What I have learned is that trying to take Love and build a relationship from it doesn’t always work the way you planned. And that makes me wary. I can build friendships, connections with people, I can and do adore people and feel emotion for them and bonds so strong I think we must have known one another up in the cosmos before coming to Earth.

Or maybe I just go from ‘Hey, want to get some coffee sometime?’ to ‘Oh baby that was great’ too quickly.

Maybe the trick is to find somebody you like and build a relationship that will some day turn into love.

Or maybe it’s true. I’m still hurting too much.

And I can’t expect others to understand. This is my burden. I must handle it my own way. My mistake is expecting others to help. This is my path to take, my lesson to learn, and I plan to do so.

“Have I doubt, when I’m alone? Love is a ring, the telephone. Love is an angel disguised as ‘lust’. Here in our bed until the morning comes. Come on now try and understand, the way I feel under your command.  Take my hand as the sun descends. They can’t touch you now, can’t touch you now, can’t touch you now.- Patti Smith ‘Because The Night’ “

Now, back to the songs that make me smile.

“I been spendin’ way too long checking my tongue in the mirror, and bending over backwards just to try and see it clearer, but my breath fogged up the glass, so I drew a new face and I laughed. I guess what I be singing is there ain’t no better reason, to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons, it’s what we aim to do, our name is our virtue. -Jason Mraz ‘I’m Yours’ “

Stacey Katheryn

*********************************************************************

“To survive, you must tell stories.”

-Umberto Eco

*********************************************************************

cover    For more information on my published novels, click here!

thevillagepoetpress  Visit The Village Poet Press (My publishing company)

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Scared shitless

Because I am nothing but honest with my readers/fans, I would like to share a little story. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared shitless in my entire life. Why?

Well, it’s a long story and I’ll get to that. I was one of those children whose WORST fears when it came to anything social was being in a crowd and not knowing what to do. The feeling that everyone knew what to do but me. Especially if I was being watched or anything was expected of me. There are certain things I have trouble memorizing (sequence, for starters.) The reason I write out-of-sequence, before putting pieces together.

When it comes to acting plays you can see where this may become a problem. As a child I opted out of anything that I’d have to learn rules/sequence (except dance, but even then I ended up joining a troupe of mostly improv moves, subtle visual cues and just learning to trust my fellow troupe dancers and myself)

I always thought if I got into acting, I would suck at improvisation and was always terrified to try. But it’s the monologues I’m having trouble with.

Tonight we had our first “stumble through” of our upcoming play. Not only did I get the impression everyone knew more than I did- They did. They all knew their lines either in part or whole. Yes, as a mystery dinner theatre it’s partial improv with some monologue that we’re allowed to play a bit with. Ok. BUT… I’m a busy woman (no excuse). Let’s try again. I’m riddled with fear (nope, that’s not right either) I rewrote my monologues last night (that’s the truth) and failed to memorize them on time, then panicked and forgot everything I did have memorized (all my other lines, when to come in, last lines of others’ monologues so I knew when to come in- my guiding star. Etc.)

I’ve discovered a lot about myself in this endeavor. 1. I’m learning all about ME. 2. As long as I know WHEN I come in, I can memorize anything I damn want. I always knew that where my efforts of sequence are AWFUL, my skills of memorization are precise, quick, photographic. As long as I know what line to listen for an actor to say, I know exactly where to come in and how. So put the new monologue aside, realizing that’s a non-worry and it’ll be completely memorized by tomorrow. It’s when actors change their lines on stage that confuses me, then leaves me with that “everyone knows what’s happening but me” sensation.

See, tonight I tried to go “au-natural” my term for NO SCRIPT (except my new monologues, one nearby to glance at briefly, the other longer one on a piece of paper to glance at in my hand.) The rest I went over enough to remember where I came in, since my miscellaneous lines are brief and mainly improvised when I speak them. I have nothing against my fellow actors improvising, when done at me I can usually respond pretty quickly. But when they add, forget or change that last line of theirs I had memorized to know where I follow, all is lost, and I’m like… Duuurrr….

Anyway, I am learning to overcome that, along with my childhood fear. I learned: Even if that is the case, nothing bad happened! The world did not end, I did not die, I did not run out of the room, people did not stare at me funny or make fun of me or decide I’m horrible on the spot. I was ok. I am ok. And that’s the best thing to remember.

So moral of the story, Trust yourself, and listen to your inner voice.

You’ll surprise yourself every time.

-Stacey Katheryn

*********************************************************************

“To survive, you must tell stories.”

-Umberto Eco

*********************************************************************

cover    For more information on my published novels, click here!

thevillagepoetpress  Visit The Village Poet Press (My publishing company)

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The Six Month Plan

World English Dictionary
Business Plan
-n
A detailed plan setting out the objectives of a business, the strategy and tactics planned to achieve them, and the expected profits, usually over a period of three to ten years.

Stacey Katheryn’s Dictionary

Business Plan

-n

A detailed plan setting out the objectives of her business, all in her mind and scarcely scribbled in miscellaneous notes throughout office, the strategy and tactics planned to achieve such objectives to grow and develop her business, The Village Poet Press, into a small yet sustainable company with continual book sales in a period of Six Months.

Writingiswriting

In the essence of this quote, I will tell you why I am waiting six months to publish my next book and putting the focus on my “business plan”.  I hate the term “business plan” don’t you? It sounds all formal and unpromising and demanding. What I have is a solid understanding of exactly what I want this company to be and exactly how I am going to get there. That was all I needed for my massage practice, and it’s flourishing. That was five months ago.

Ah yes, I was going to tell you why. Because it’s summer, because I’m going to be moving soon, because I’m spending more time editing than I am writing, because my living space is being quadrupled as an office space for the business aspect of my practice, and my Village Poet office/writing/researching space and storage space and I am having a very, very difficult time with it. It’s going to reflect in my writing, and to put the best to the test, I’ve had ONE book sale on book four, and that was my best friend Jay (thank you, Jay).

I love my blog, I will definitely continue to blog, but from here I will be pursuing avenues of marketing and business development and essentially, what I’ve done for my massage practice. Hopefully by the end of these six months, I’ll have a readership. Book Five is a VERY important book to the series (and me), and I want people to enjoy it.

Also, once I move and have a bigger space for my writing, I’ll be able to WRITE and not have to worry about all the aspects that shouldn’t be allowed to enter my mind while I’m writing.

So, wish me luck! 🙂

Stacey

*********************************************************************

“To survive, you must tell stories.”

-Umberto Eco

*********************************************************************

cover    For more information on my published novels, click here!

thevillagepoetpress  Visit The Village Poet Press (My publishing company)

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Of Trust Or Treason- Now Available For Purchase On Amazon.Com!

Now available for purchase, Of Trust Or Treason, Book Four of The Legends of Sangue!!

And as usual, the other novels are on sale for a limited time! Get your copies now!

Blood Of Darkness, Book One of The Legends of Sangue only $1.99!

Murder On Her Mind, Book Two of The Legends of Sangue only $1.99!

and

Destroyed, Book Three of The Legends of Sangue! only $1.99!

Hope you enjoy!

 

Stacey

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“A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.”

-Richard Bach

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cover    For more information on my published novels, click here!

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Life Lessons Learned Hard

You know those moments. The times where something presents itself to you that seems so right. Where you know it is the perfect opportunity. Yes, it’s perhaps a little askew from your original plans, but the opportunities are potential to be endless!

Who cares that you’ve got a little internal debate going inside of you the very moment that opportunity came knocking at your door. Is it right for me? YES! Is it truly right for me? N-… YES!

Only GOOD can come of it.

I’ve been entirely fucked over by this phenomena before. Even now, as I am in the process of personal growth, learning to listen to my intuition and meeting myself from the inside out, even now I am amazingly vulnerable to it. Why? That person seemed so sincere.

I caught myself this time. My conscious still does not yet understand exactly why I said no, and I shall not give it the pleasure of trying. Some things just are. And others aren’t. I recieved the same feeling from this opportunity as the one that got me hanged at the salon. Whether it is because it’s not in my original plans (the ones that are going so well and need not be messed with) or a forewarning to something unpleasant- I listened this time.

My very best advice to you right now. If it seems wrong, even in the most minute miniscule little way, it IS. The closer it came to that meeting, the sicker I began to feel. The moment I nicely called to cancel, I began to feel better. I’m not 100% yet, but that’s probably because I’ve been having this internal debate over the entire weekend.

I feel fortunate that I caught it in time, rather than being screwed over again. This is a type of situation that has presented itself multiple times in my life, it is now time to learn the lesson it was presenting me with. Just because something looks good on paper (so to say) doesn’t mean it is. And shove my ego aside just long enough to let me see the bigger picture, to give me the opportunity to say “this sounds wonderful, but I think I’ll pass.”

Ah, yes, so there we go. Time to go make some dinner, take it easy, and congratulate myself on one more lesson learned in this life. Even if it is a little hard.

Stacey

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“A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.”

-Richard Bach

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cover    For more information on my published novels, click here!

thevillagepoetpress  Visit The Village Poet Press (My publishing company)

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MORE April Blizzards Bring- Ah Screw It, Where’s Summer?

SummerTimeThis is what it should be beginning to look like outside. This is what it actually looks like.

WinterTime

Only not as pretty.

I never thought I’d watch a blizzard fall in the daylight at 8pm.

Don’t get me wrong, the beautiful extended summer we had last year was splendid and life saving, the bright sunlight getting me through school, stepping outside into it and feeling it wash away the stress and torment of tests and harsh chemical smells from the cosmetology area I had to walk through every day and unpleasant classmates and change and life stress and so on, so forth.

I remember my most favorite day of school being the day our teacher took us running outside in 90-something degree weather, barefoot and running through the park and up and down parking ramps in attempts to teach us about proprioception, the muscles of the legs and thighs, an excuse to go outside (as he likes the indoors and winter about as well as I do) and as I assumed as a way to get out old retired military urges to run us ragged boot camp style. It was a blessed day.

But this extended winter is more tiring than anything I ever experienced last year. And a lot happened last year. As long as it happens in the sunlight, it isn’t as bad. Stuck in a cold room surrounded in nothing but negativity without the ability to go outside and run, or sit in the sunlight, cleanse myself, get a tan, breathe… It becomes unbearable. Back in February I was speaking to somebody who was not from here and having a terrible time with our winter, and I said to him, “Don’t worry, it’s almost March, the weather will get better soon!”

Now what ought I say? Don’t worry, it’s almost May… It’s South Dakota, God knows what it’s going to do.

There, that’s more accurate.

I can’t help but feel if I could just get outside and breathe, stand with the sunlight on my shoulders… Life wouldn’t be so hard.

Well, until further notice, I have some pictures. If what they say is true; that what you think and what you pray for and what you put your energy toward is what you get back, here’s some beautiful pictures to look at and wish and wonder and dream and pray for.

Summer1

How nice does that look?

Summer2

To sit amongst a field of daisies in the summertime… Ah, doesn’t it bring back childhood memories? Chasing butterflies… watching thick white clouds and all the shapes they take… dogs and unicorns…

Summer3

Free fall into the ocean under the setting sun? Yes, please.

Summer4

Wish I was here!

Summer55

Wish this were me!!

Summer6

To be sitting under the sun, getting a tan, warm on the outside, happy on the inside, such beauty…

Summer66

This is where I want to be RIGHT NOW.

Summer7This is what I want to be drinking RIGHT NOW.

Well, thank you for dreaming these summer dreams with me 🙂

Stacey

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“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity”

-Edgar Allan Poe

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cover    For more information on my published novels, click here!

thevillagepoetpress  Visit The Village Poet Press (My publishing company)

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Today Is Where Your Book Begins… The Rest Is Still Unwritten

Serenerainleaves

As a writer, when I sit down to my quill and parchment, it is obviously distressing when words do not come to me. Because I love words, I’ve been thinking words all day, I’ve been “practicing” in my mind what I will write, what I want to say, where I would like to take my story, and now that I am sitting down to write it, the words are gone.

But I begin to rethink this phenomenon (known as “Writer’s Block”, should such a thing even exist) I am beginning to believe that there is no such thing. Why? Because words are always there. Perhaps there is something keeping you from finding them, or life’s distractions have hidden them from you and you may have to unravel a few layers of yourself to find them. (For those of you sitting there angrily shaking your heads, thinking “she has no idea what real writer’s block is!” Yes, I do. I’ve had to put projects aside for YEARS because I was stuck. I understand the frustration.)

But as with many things, maybe a different perspective is needed to understand this. Sometimes, being wordless is beautiful.

How?

Now that I have to temporarily place my project aside, I’m able to listen to the sounds around me. A recently rediscovered beautiful song, the noisy neighbors, even the television in the other room. It allows me to temporarily focus on something else, realize that the pressures I am putting on myself are utterly unneeded. There is nothing in this world that’s going to stop or crumble because I’m unable to find my words.

“Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window, let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find. Reaching for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it, release your inhibitions.”- Natasha Bedingfield (“Unwritten”)

Maybe I just need to open my window, let in a little sunlight.

Maybe eat a little chocolate.

Namaste, everyone. Have a wonderful night (or day, as it may)

Stacey

*******************************************************************************

“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity”

-Edgar Allan Poe

*******************************************************************************

cover    For more information on my published novels, click here!

thevillagepoetpress  Visit The Village Poet Press

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April Blizzards Bring May… Lizards?

funny-lizard-bearded-dragon-reading-book-story-pics

I apologize for the pun, but I could not think of anything else that rhymes with these wretched April blizzards we continue to get. I can only imagine what they will be bringing for May!

I hope it won’t be more blizzards!

My fingers are so cold I can barely type, lol.

Oh anyhow, Of Trust Or Treason is going fantastically well! I wrote a few thousand words last night, I am piecing together all the little bits, editing as I go along. Work I truly enjoy! (Uh, well, the writing. The editing not as much) But the book should be WELL more than ready for publication by June! I can’t believe it’s almost June. Of course, I’m watching a blizzard out my window right now- of course I don’t believe it’s almost June!

Oh well, nothing I can do but hope for the best!

Have a good night everybody, I am off to do some more authoring!

Stacey

 

*******************************************************************************

“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity”

-Edgar Allan Poe

*******************************************************************************

cover    For more information on my published novels, click here!

thevillagepoetpress  Visit The Village Poet Press

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